My friend said " apart from determining the places you will call home and how big a family you want to have, the first five years also determines what resources/contributions you both are bringing into the relationship" Resources here is not only material but includes psychological, emotional and spiritual resources.
Marriage as we know it, is a union of two people and as in every other union it cannot be one sided. It's like having two legs and choosing to walk with only one. That one leg may carry the body but will definitely feel the strain and may eventually give in to the strain of carrying the whole body.
According to a research, The Connubial Crucible, the first two years of marriage are critical to how happily or unhappily married the couple will be in the later years of marriage. The study looked at 156 couples who were married for the first time in 1981.
Researchers discovered that after 13 years:
68 couples were happily married
32 couples were unhappily married
56 couples had divorced
The couples who divorced within the first two years showed signs of disillusionment and were negative toward one another in the first two months of their marriage. It is a sign of trouble if a newlywed couple starts to have disillusionment within the first year. The couples who are still happily married are couples who were able to have positive feelings about their spouse in the first two years.
If you find yourself a bit depressed after your wedding, it's okay. Honeymoon blues are normal. You've both been caught up in time consuming wedding preparations. It is a sure bet that once you don't have that stress to deal with, you will have a sense of loss. It's similar to the post holiday let down that many people experience.
However, it is important NOT TO ignore this period of depression. Being prepared for the newlywed blues can help you get past them. It's time to move on to setting the marital stage for the rest of your lives together.
As mentioned by Dr. Huston's study, a top priority for newlyweds should be keeping romance alive.
This is where the next three years comes in.
Other priorities a couple needs to face the first few years of marriage include:
1. Choosing their career paths;
2. Deciding where to call home;
3. Coming to terms on how to allocate and handle money;
4. Discussing expectations;
5. Setting goals;
4. Deciding who's going to do what chores;
5. Coming up with ways to spend free time;
6. Finding time to have sex;
7. Understanding differences including spirituality; and
8. Learning how to deal with conflicts.
Getting these things right the first five years can make all the differnce between a blissful marriage and a marriage headed for the rocks!
Getting these things right the first five years can make all the differnce between a blissful marriage and a marriage headed for the rocks!
